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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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 Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 11:25:28 AM
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Ok guys and ladies, I have put this thread up for jokes only, (no car questions please!) I will add that being a joke page some jokes may be a bit out of taste, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT SOME PEOPLE MAY BE OFFENDED, AND IT WILL BE AT THE ADMIN'S AND THE MODS DISCREATION WHAT IS DEEMED OFFENCIVE! But in all go balls out and lets have some funnys ,,, and please none of these your momma so fat jokes lol.. ok enjoy!
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 11:28:20 AM
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I went to the teller machine the other morning to get some money out, when what do ya know, there were to guys trying to rob this old lady of her hand bag, so me being me ran over as fast as I could to help out .... I gotta say this old lady was a fighter cause she wouldnt even give me the bag !
haha BOOM BOOM! |
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kempo
P Plater
56 Posts
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Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 1:07:41 PM
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| two guys walk into a bar and say: "Ouch!" |
Get back in ya box idiot! |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 7:36:26 PM
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whats the difference between a ford driver and a bucket of sh1t???
THE BUCKET!!
whats the difference between a ford driver thats been run over and a dog thats been run over???
THERE IS SKIDS MARKS LEADING UPTO THE DOG!!
BOOM BOOM |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 8:46:58 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by trizo
whats the difference between a ford driver and a bucket of sh1t???
THE BUCKET!!
whats the difference between a ford driver thats been run over and a dog thats been run over???
THERE IS SKIDS MARKS LEADING UPTO THE DOG!!
BOOM BOOM
omg haha that was good |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 9:10:33 PM
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Jimmy was in the hallway and heard strange noises coming from his parents room. so he opened the door and walked in to see them having sex. "what are you doing?" asked jimmy. "Get out go back to bed" yells jimmy's dad.
after they finished up his father decided to go to the toilet. as he was walking down the hallway he heard noises coming from nanna's room. he opens the door to see jimmy having sex with gran. "what the hell are you doing?" yells jimmys dad. jimmy replies "not so funny when its your mum is it"
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YNV_M3
Fully Licenced
169 Posts
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Posted - 01 Oct 2007 : 11:06:16 PM
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| lol jas that is off haha funni but off ewwww haha |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 02 Oct 2007 : 7:18:35 PM
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mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead
now it goes to school with her
between two slices of bread !
haha BOOM BOOM |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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Posted - 03 Oct 2007 : 10:05:49 AM
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| Hey did you guys hear about the guy the stayed at a nudist colony...............the first day was the hardest..lmfao |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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Posted - 03 Oct 2007 : 10:11:57 AM
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| There’s this guy that’s just brought a new car and with the car it’s got a radio that if u say Jesus. It will find and play a religious station...as to if u say opera it will play opera. Now the guy is having some fun with this new device when some kids run in front of his car causing him to swerve at the last second. He yells out "FU#KING KIDS"...as he says this the radio searches and plays a Michal Jackson song...................hahahaha |
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Edited by - jas89 on 03 Oct 2007 10:13:09 AM |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 03 Oct 2007 : 10:20:50 AM
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lmfao thats a ripper!
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bevani
P Plater
78 Posts
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Posted - 03 Oct 2007 : 8:07:28 PM
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did u hear they have released a new andrew johns meal at maccas...
no burger or fries just coke and ice !!! |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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Posted - 03 Oct 2007 : 11:01:34 PM
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a man walks into a pub one night, goes up to the bar and asks for a beer."certainly, sir that'll be one cent." "One cent?!".."thats right" the barman assures him. so the guy glances over at the menu and asks, "could i have a nice juicy T-bone steak with fries, peas and salad?" ..."certainly sir" that'll be 4 cents....Four cents says the guy.... stunedhe asks,. where is the guy that owns this place?..the barman replies "upstairs with me wife".........whats he doing with your wife? the man asks..........the same thing im doing to his business
hehe |
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bevani
P Plater
78 Posts
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Posted - 06 Oct 2007 : 11:09:10 AM
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nice one jas..
ok so jimmy and timmy are staying at their grandma's house for the weekend. both of them are the biggest and rudest pains in the backside u could ever meet.
now grandma is a lovely old lady,gets around on a walking stick but still goes to church every sundy, donates money to the poor etc, etc.
saturday morning and jimmy and timmy come into the kitchen for breakfast.
grandma: "good morning boys. wat would you like for breakfast?"
jimmy: (looks in the pantry) "yeah give us some of those F***ing corn flakes aye!?"
grandma stops wat she is doing turns to jimmy... "WHACK, BANG, SLAP, CRACK CRACK CRACK!" belts the living hell out of jimmy with her walking stick
grandma turns to timmy..
"now timmy".. (pointing her walking stick at him) "wat would YOU like for breakfast?"
timmy looks at his grandma..... looks down at his brother laying on the floor convulsing in pain, looks back at grandma then looks at the pantry and says
"I dont know.... but u can bet ur sweet a** it aint gonna be any of those F***ing cornfakes!" |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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Posted - 06 Oct 2007 : 5:37:30 PM
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| haha lol good one........but can i have some F***ing cornflaks????.................jks |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 07 Oct 2007 : 10:33:18 AM
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| sounded like me and my brother lol ! |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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jas89
Forum Moderator
779 Posts
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bevani
P Plater
78 Posts
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Posted - 08 Oct 2007 : 8:19:01 PM
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An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said
"Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old
bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never
misses a season.
One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and
accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at
the water's edge.
He realised he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the
magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at
the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went
'bang,bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said,
"If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into
that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly".
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