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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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 Posted - 14 Jul 2008 : 12:37:15 AM
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These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1" for a reason!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday = Sports
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us look. It doesn't hurt anyone, to look. And for us, it's genetic.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will believe you.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's near the TV, and it's like camping.
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 14 Jul 2008 : 12:40:35 AM
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| I often put this up as my desktop pic just so my wife can see it first thing in the morning lol.... |
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Posted - 14 Jul 2008 : 01:18:35 AM
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LOL!! Some more truth!?
Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
KEEP READING.......!!!!!!!!
========================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because I was trying to breathe!
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 14 Jul 2008 : 01:55:24 AM
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| lmao thats a old 1!! |
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nodg
National Driver
1667 Posts
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 1:45:57 PM
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1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
tell me of one sheila that does this? seriously they are worse than males |
Cheers,
Nodg. |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 5:02:03 PM
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| amen brother! I got three daughters and I can tell you boys /men are no were near as bad! |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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SWEET
Fully Licenced
600 Posts
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 7:12:27 PM
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| :( think its time for me to bring in som gurls in this site for a big debate |
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SWEET
Fully Licenced
600 Posts
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 7:14:58 PM
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1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
And for that one im not on any bodys side. Guys are rong cos they dont put the seat down n gurls n guys are rong cos they dont put the seat cover down so the toilet smell dont come up. So all n all we all rong. Mayb thats somthing u can tell your wife or gf to do n u guys should start doing too. So that way both sex has somthing to put down after using toilet.Does that sound fair? |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 8:00:58 PM
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hell no ! Again re read rules sweet lol 
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Edited by - trizo on 22 Jul 2008 8:01:41 PM |
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 10:54:49 PM
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You will never understand why females get so angry on the toilet issue until you sit/fall/splash into the toilet bowl because a guy left the seat up!
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 22 Jul 2008 : 11:28:46 PM
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| lmao help Iv fallen in , still think its pi55 funny! |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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V8VNCalais
Fully Licenced
238 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 1:30:24 PM
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wouldn't it be something so obvious.........well unless your drunk. wouldnt it be auto matic.........yes toilet set down procede. where with us males it walking in lift seat. wouldnt it pi55 you off even more if you walked in and sat down in a puddle.
normally, having 2 sisters I would leave this one alone. |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 1:40:18 PM
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| good to c out off all of the rules there the only 1 the females disagree with is the dunny seat, spose 1 out of 28 rules aint bad! lmfao |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 1:41:44 PM
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Yes its obvious, but when you're used to it down you don't always look, especially the late night pee.
Does it matter if I prefer to sit in puddles rather than the actual toilet bowl? No, you guys would be in trouble either way.
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shadowsofdusk
P Plater
56 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 2:01:54 PM
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| we're always in trouble... |
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did. In his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car" |
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 2:50:48 PM
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| lmao read rule 1 sharoo , wich 1 ? (all of them) lol |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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V8VNCalais
Fully Licenced
238 Posts
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Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 7:34:38 PM
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| catch 22 situation.........better just to go find a tree no repercutions that way |
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Posted - 21 Aug 2008 : 11:04:45 PM
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New training course for men...WICOE
WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 22 Aug 2008 : 12:16:57 AM
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| lmao good come back Ill be back with a new 1 for ya |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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shadowsofdusk
P Plater
56 Posts
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Posted - 22 Aug 2008 : 10:51:06 AM
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| lol - thats awesome |
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did. In his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car" |
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Posted - 13 Sep 2008 : 12:04:07 AM
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Not about men Vs Women but i thought it was funny
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
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trizo
Forum Moderator
3091 Posts
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Posted - 13 Sep 2008 : 1:32:51 PM
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lmao like looking in a mirror  |
3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead |
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